Hello everyone!
It is I, your friendly neighborhood TJ, here to provide you with an update on the latest Abandon Hope, which I first teased a little over a month ago. This delay has been extremely unprofessional on my part, but I’m sure that you understand that a huge part of the reason for the hold-up has been ...
2020-03-23 19:40:30 +0000 UTC View Post
Coming in with that early Friday episode for those in different time zones.
Here's the joke for today:
"What does a Borg-Again Christian say?
Rᴇsɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴇʀᴍᴏɴɪᴢɪɴɢ ɪs ғᴜᴛɪʟᴇ."2020-03-20 18:50:07 +0000 UTC View Post
I used to have two kidneys. Then I grew up.
Nᴏᴡ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴋɴᴇᴇs.2020-03-20 18:49:49 +0000 UTC View Post
A farmer counted 48 cows on his property.
But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
Audio attached.
2020-03-18 22:02:54 +0000 UTC View Post
What do you call a door when it's not a door?
Aᴊᴀʀ.
2020-03-16 23:52:45 +0000 UTC View Post
Tune in tonight to watch us cover the first 1-on-1 debate between Sen. Sanders and V.P. Joe Biden.
Watch it Here ☾ https://bit.ly/2vooT25 ☽
2020-03-15 23:13:26 +0000 UTC View Post
"What do we want?"
"A cure for dementia!"
"When do we want it?"
"Want what?"
2020-03-14 00:53:51 +0000 UTC View Post
Why won't ants get the coronavirus?
They have ᴀɴᴛʏ-ʙᴏᴅɪᴇs.
ᴬᵘᵈᶦᵒ ᵃᵗᵗᵃᶜʰᵉᵈ.
2020-03-12 00:23:32 +0000 UTC View Post
My favorite word is "drool."
Iᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʀᴏʟʟs ᴏғғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏɴɢᴜᴇ.
2020-03-10 01:04:57 +0000 UTC View Post
In the shadow of TJ, there is Paul. In the shadow of Paul, there is Scotty. In the shadow of Scotty, there is.....SNAKE! Join Scotty and Taylor for another rambling diversion from reality.
2020-03-07 04:57:58 +0000 UTC View Post
Here's my joke for this evening:
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? There's such balance in nature.
Goddamn, I'm brilliant. I should make a living in stand-up!
What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill?
Walking... ᴊᴋ, ʀᴏʟʟɪɴɢ.
2020-03-06 21:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
We streamed it live for everyone, but the archived copy is yours and yours alone, dear patrons. The plebs will have to settle for a mere preview. REVEL IN YOUR SUPERIORITY!
2020-03-04 16:27:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Tell me what you think, bitches.
2020-03-03 05:23:42 +0000 UTC View Post
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a ʀᴇɢɪsᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ 6 ᴏғғᴇɴᴅᴇʀ.
Audio coming soon.
2020-03-03 01:11:30 +0000 UTC View Post
Audio attached. Sophia made sure of it.
2020-02-29 02:32:28 +0000 UTC View Post
Audio attached.
*SCREECHING HALT*
WOAH HOLD THE FUCK ON. Who let the 5 dollar patrons in here? This succulent dish is for the ELITE $10 patrons. PATREON!!!!
Still working on video in the new studio, but we still have a Flash Fried for you!
2020-02-27 23:36:49 +0000 UTC View Post
Tonight's Flash Fried is postponed until tomorrow.
2020-02-27 02:19:47 +0000 UTC View Post
I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also ᵗᵉʳʳᶦᵇˡᵉ.
Audio attached.
2020-02-24 21:21:24 +0000 UTC View Post
It's the battle for 2nd place!
Audio attached.
2020-02-22 00:44:19 +0000 UTC View Post
A plateau is the highest form of ғʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀʏ.
Audio attached.
2020-02-22 00:12:30 +0000 UTC View Post
What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can't be topped!
Audio attached.
AUDIO VERSION AVAILABLE BELOWWWWW
2020-02-15 02:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
I'm not sure if I will release this one publicly or not. I may want to refine my arguments a bit more before taking this to a mass audience. But I suppose that all depends on what you guys think. So here it is in all of it's ranty glory. Your opinions are highly welcome.
Audio attached.
2020-02-13 04:00:47 +0000 UTC View Post
